Ariel's Lament
by SCJake
Summary: Ariel laments that she has lost her tail...
1. Ariel's Lament

**One day, Ariel from the Little Mermaid was strolling through the forest with her new prosthetic legs. Ariel had gotten caught up in a horrific moatboat accident a few months ago, in which her entire lower body had been cut off. Reattachment attempts were impossible, as her bloodied remains were promptly devoured by a horrible, snaggle-toothed aquatic vagina-mouthed Chinese magnemite that had drifted off the coast of Hong Kong. Luckily, the Elric Brothers were on the case and gave her automail legs. Winry made the special legs for Ariel after Edward Elric and Alphonse Elric told her of their aquatic friend, who was beached on the shore along with Free Willy, moaning into the night-sky. They had difficulty moving her, as Ariel, who was distraught after her Prince Philip had galloped off into the sunset with his new lover, Delia Ketchum, had begun eating Ben and Jerry's Banana and Peanut Butter Greek Yogurt by the tubful and was now hideously fat. She were sad because her tail fin was gone, so she wanted to commit suicide because it was important to her.  
"Oh woe is me, my tail fin is gone, I am so horny," she said. But because she was beached, all that she could muster was to flail in the sand, writing out the words, "I AM SO HORNY" in the sand. It was then that the plane piloted by Porco Rosso noticed her and alerted the Elric Brothers on his speed dial.  
"We'll be right there," shouted Edward, who was always looking for hot amputee ass. Alphonse sighed, as he was always jealous of Edward's finds. He loved Edward, but he had no dick. Alphonse lamented, "I have no dick, so I cannot get this hot amputee ass, Big Brother."  
"Please do me a favor," said someone. "Please fulfill my dream of having hot amputee sex and fuck this mermaid for me. It's been my life goal to fill the Amputee Pokedex and put in a penis in every single hole of an amputee. Every hole. All of them. I'm not sick. I promise."  
Somewhere in the distance, Captain Falcon cried, knowing who had eyefucked his eye and popped it like a balloon.  
"Ohhh, the misery, the horrible agony of being a horny mermaid," sobbed Ariel. "I need some hot mermaid ass-I mean, never mind. I just need some hot ass." Skuttle masturbated in a tree, sighing as he ogled some little girls nearby. Something white fell on them; they thought it was bird poop, but it wasn't poop at all. Giggity.  
The Elric Brothers swooped in and extended their plane's talons down upon Ariel and scooped her up. Ariel's guts began falling out.  
"Oh no, Big Brother," said Alphonse. "I think I killed her. But I like my girls dead. It's okay."  
It's okay as long as she's still an amputee," said Edward. He began to masturbate furiously from the excitement.**

"Holy shit," cried Kratos from down below in the fields, where he was pooping in the bush and using the cornstalk as tissue paper. "That airplane up there is carrying a cow. I wonder why. But these cornstalks hired me as their mercenary. I cannot go and check it out. The cow, I am afraid, will just have to die."  
"Dad, made me an exsphere crest," shouted Lloyd the cornstalk. But soon he was no more. Kratos stuffed him up his ass and pulled up his spandex pants.  
"Ha-ha," yelled Genis. Colette tried to draw out on the hand of a cornstalk that she was sorry, but she could not, and then she grew horrible reptile skin and died. Nobody cared.  
"Did you know that no one has ever found a crocodile that has died of natural causes," said Steve Irwin.  
"Because obviously crocodiles are obviously immortal," said the King Slime. And then Steve Irwin got stabbed in the heart by a Mantine.  
"Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooh," said Mantine as it cried. It loved Steve Irwin, but Steve Irwin had tried to break up with him last night for another Pokemon, and Mantine just could not share. Either he had Steve Irwin, or nobody had Steve Irwin. "Bitch you don't have any, body to get anything put in, what you want it in your colon bitch?" said the golden vagina tree. Donkey Kong screamed in approval, beating his huge fists against his erect nipples, as he was aroused by the entire situation. Donkey's nipples then spewed banana vagina sperm juice all over ariel in her plane.. Ariel suddenly revived from the dead.  
"Fuck!" screamed Al, who had been excited over her death. So then Ed Elric tried to kill her by choking her with his penis and it was sexy and there were flies.

The Elric Brothers flew in their plane with Ariel attached to their talons for hours, and slowly but surely, the flies accumulated on the dead Ariel and began to develop a sentient form. "Lo I am the lord of the flies" Shouted the dead ariel corpse being manipulated by the poo flies. She rose up and broke off the talons of the plane with the flick of her superpowered hand, and Ariel's corpse flew down into the thick jungles of Sylvarant below with a loud crash. Unfortunately Kanji Tatsumi's shadow was there so sylvarant turned into a huge sauna and a gay one at that. The Elric Brothers, who were huge homophobes, were too afraid to go and rescue Ariel's corpse from down below in case they got infected with the GAY. SO instead they used alchemy to make a giant dildo tower that rose from below ariel and penetrated her guts and then she slid down it with the phallic object sticking out of her mouth and amputated tail. Sadly, Ed's father's clone canceled everyone's alchemy because he was an asshole, and the Elric Brothers were left with no further recourse. So then the gay sylvarant sauna teddy showed up and told everyone that there were shadows and they were gay. Teddy made a terrible pun, and out of nowhere, fucking Satan erupted from Hell and pulled him down into the deepest level, where Teddy was savagely raped, killed, and then eaten by Nick Defelice. This was a fate worse than death of the soul for nick defelice's interior is so incredibly grotesque and his thought processes so retarded that no man not even teddy can possible hope to escape from the depravity and retardation that is nick defelice. Nick Defelice robbed Teddy before eating him and used it to buy another 3DS, which he promptly sold and then bought another one. Then he sold that one and bought a PSvita, all his buying and selling ruined the market prices and the world went into a depression.

Thanks to Nick Defelice, almost everyone plunged into a deep poverty, and one could see poor, helpless children starving on the sides of streets, wishing they had 3DS and PSVITA. Nick Defelice had become king during his buying and selling spree and reigned over the world of gay Sylvarant with an iron fist. Then shadow kanji realized that not enough sexy men were coming to his part of the gay sauna so he proclaimed that everyone must give up their first born male child to him. Kratos put Lloyd into a river inside a basket and whisked him away from Kanji, hoping such a fate would never befall his firstborn Jewish child. Lloyd was covered in Kratos's shit from being shoved up his ass and Kratos had forgotten all about lloyd being a cornstalk. Or maybe Lloyd was never a cornstalk at all; Kratos had been tripping on some serious fucking acid earlier. He had actually shoved lloyd up his ass though and his ass was a train wreck i mean hell most people can't even fit a fist up there and he fit a whole human head. Kratos, you see, was kind of a promiscous manslut and had expanded his asshole progressively further and further over his 4,000 year lifespan as a member of Cruxis. So lloyd floated down the river covered in shit but genis wasn't so lucky he was given to shadow kanji and raped terribly often. Genis's Tourette Syndrome symptoms of waving his hand constantly were a huge turn-on for Kanji. it was just the gayest least manly thing a person could ever do and the stupidest most repetive thing as well. Who the fuck moves their hands in some shitty motion up and down when they talk anyways?

Lloyd kept floating down the river for quite some time until his shit-covered basket brushed up against the banks of the Mississippi River. Down in texas because the mississippi river totally goes to texas, Lloyd became a symbol of jesus christ because he arrived covered in shit which texas reveres as a god because they are much like shit. Lloyd was raised by illegal Mexican immigrants, who found him by the riverside after jumping over the border fence. Then Arsin's family stole him and ran back into Mexico. Little Lloyd grew up around the dirty and mean drug king culture and regularly did drug mule runs. Finally crack was stuffed up his ass and he was put on an airplane and people cut him open when he arrived in AMERICA! This made him an amputee. Edward and Alphonse became incredibly interested when they found this out for they had an alchemy circle the size of the world. They turned Lloyd into a woman to suit their heterosexual tendencies. THis made lloyd very happy because he always had felt like a woman so her lifelong dreams were finally realized. Sexually confused Lloydette enrolled at NYU and became a hipster. She never forgot to come home to daddy elric and sit on his lap.

One day, however, Ed Elric announced as he and Lloydette lay on bed together naked that he had found a new lover. Lloydette was devastated and requested the assistance of the mantine. The Mantine popped out of the Pokeball at Lloydette's request and promptly stabbed Ed Elric to death. Alphonse was happy so he made a dildo out of alchemy and fucked his dead brother's ass. Lloydette was furious with Alphonse for violating his Daddy Elric. So he violated alphonse by taking a shit inside his armor. They were embroiled in a horrible catfight when fucking Ursula burst through their Manhattan skyscraper window and killed everyone.

Her shit filled the world and everything smelled like Mexico The end.


	2. Ariel's shooting

As always I recommend putting this in google translate and having it read this story to you. ENJOY! This is dedicated to our one follower feminaromanov1917 because they are awesome.

Once upon a time, Ariel got drunk at a party and had sex with a goblin. He didn't last very long; he died after coming 20 seconds in, and then he became a ghost goblin. Ariel was very hung over the next day and forgot to take the morning after pill. She was super happy she got laid, even if it was by a goblin that suffered from premature ejaculation died after extremely shitty sex. Unbeknownst to Ariel, who did not know that you have to clean your vagina regularly, the overpowering human smell of her fish vagina killed the poor goblin.

In any case, Ariel went on with her life. A few weeks later, she noticed that her period was late. Unfortunately, she was living in the Bible Belt and could not procure an abortion because when she went to Planned Parenthood, it was after Labor Day and she was wearing white. The people at Planned Parenthood were extremely offended and told her that they would not help her. So, Ariel was fucked and had to keep the baby.

Well, Ariel was not actually that fucked because she had in fact been fucked. But her mother, who is dead and never appears in the movie, kicked her out of the Atlantis castle because she does not approve of interracial sex. Ariel had to go to a battered women's shelter in order to find a place to live.

Ariel was in despair and developed binge eating disorder. She ate and ate and ate and ate, and soon she was so fat, she wasn't sure if she was pregnant anymore or was just fucking obese. Turns out, she was both. In any case, Ariel made a cameo appearance on I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant TM and had her baby on camera. Her baby was born blind, deaf and dumb, and she named it Uuuuuuuuuuuuuughhee, but she affectionately nicknamed it "Helen."

Wanting a better life for her child, Ariel moved with little Uuuuuuuuuuuuuughhee, otherwise known as Helen, to Newtown, Connecticut, which was known for its stellar school system. Little Uuuuuuuuuuuuuughhee, otherwise known as Helen, was a grade E for everyone student (she was a little whore because when the teachers touched her in the naughty place, she did not protest because she was deaf, dumb and blind). She was her teacher's favorite student in her first grade class. One fine day in December, a very nice man paid a visit to the class and shot Uuuuuuuuuuuuuughhee, otherwise known as Helen, and put her out of her deaf, dumb and blind misery. He also shot all of the other little boys and girls in the class.

All of the parents were very sad, including Ariel. But Ariel was sad for a very different reason. With little Uuuuuuuuuuuuuughhee, otherwise known as Helen, dead, Ariel could not collect her deaf, dumb and blind daughter's disability checks. This would make it very hard for Ariel to afford her drug fix. She would have to ramp up her whoring with people who have acrotomophilic tendencies.

But eventually, Ariel got on with her life. She met a wonderful man who used the internet handle stubfucker69 online who lived in Colorado, and she eventually decided to move there to meet him. Because it is not safe to meet online friends alone, they decided to have their first meeting and date at a local movie theatre. They were in the middle of watching Batman sob about his dead parents when a man with flaming hair who was also the scion of Kimlasca who would lead Kimlasca to prosperity and more vaginas if he could sacrifice everyone in the theatre with his hyperresonance. Unfortunately, he was a replica fonon fonon fonon fonon fonon field of fonons fonons fucking fonons. Anyway. stubfucker69 died in the hyperresonance of a 12-gauge Remington 870 Express Tactical shotgun. Then Ariel was turned on because stubfucker69 was dead, so she humped him as everyone else in theatre fled or just died.

Ariel, however, became super depressed afterwards and decided that she had actually wanted to be a man and just did not know it. That was why she was unhappy. Not because her child and boyfriend had both died, but because she was really a man trapped in a woman's body. Clearly. So, she went to Massachusetts and arranged for a sex change at the Harvard Medical School and renamed herself Rob. He took lots of testosterone to facilitate the sex change, and with the testosterone came lots of muscles. He decided to pick up running, even though he had prosthetic legs. He became so good at running with his new penis flopping around in the wind-he liked to run commando-that he qualified for the Boston Marathon.

Rob was one second away from the Boston Marathon when two men set a beautiful explosive next to him that was made from a pressure cooker and detonated it from their cell phones. Rob saw the pressure cooker and immediately wanted to fuck it, but then it exploded and he could no longer fuck it. However, he could enjoy the pleasure of his prosthetic legs being blown off. Once again. Because no one likes transsexuals, no one helped Rob in the disaster afterward. He was left to lie on the ground flailing in his own blood and was assumed dead by the police. Later on, when Tamerlan and Dhzokhar Tsarnaev were being chased by the police, they ran poor Rob over with their stolen car.

Rob lay lying in the road hornier than ever because it had been two hours since the last time he had masturbated. Even though the rest of his body was completely crushed, his penis stood erect, strong and proud. It could not be trampled by the likes of terrorists-it was a true American penis. He had been running with watermelon in his ass, so when he was run over, the watermelon exploded and watermelon and watermelon seeds lay on the ground. So, Kanye appeared out of nowhere, and Rob thought that Kanye would save him. But Kanye was only interested in eating the watermelon. He washed it down with purple drink made of purple sperm because Kanye is actually a giant faggot. Then Kanye went back home to have sex with the giant whale known as Kim Kardashian. Then he divorced her because she is a fat whale and Kanye is not into bestiality. But then Star Magazine revealed in an exclusive issue that Kanye was actually really into fucking horses, because when he visited the Ethel Walker School and had the wonderful opportunity to ride the two-centuries-old Sunny, he accidentally grabbed Sunny's dick while cleaning him after riding him (in more ways than one) and discovered he liked it. He began sucking Kanye's dick. His mother laughed at him when she picked him up from school.

Then Rob died. Then Goku wished Ariel back to life with the Dragon Balls, which he sucked on for seven years. The dragon appreciated it and covered Goku with the holy yellow dragon seed, which was actually pee. Did you think it was cum?

"Wait, why the fuck did you revive me?" Ariel sobbed. "I wanted to die finally, you shitty author." Shut the fuck up, Ariel, you are my fucking plaything and I will use you forever like the slut you are. You ugly ho. That was totally cool and edgy, right, having the character interrupt you and break the fourth wall? Yeah. Yeah. Yeahhhhhhhh.

Fucking golf.


End file.
